Thank You For Your Thoughts, But I'm Done...

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep faking smiles. All of my well-wishing. Do I still have to call this a hometown if it's not my home? I've watched the things I've worked at fall apart. I've watched people I thought I knew morph into complete strangers. All of this in the span of a few months.

I've been back in Blairsville for all of two days, and I just want to die. No, not because there's "nothing to do," because there's plenty to do if you know where to look, but because of the small town mentality that most everyone around here holds. Grow up a little bit. Get some compassion. Think about someone other than yourself for once. Find something you believe in and fight for it. It doesn't matter what, just believe in something. I honestly, and literally, don't know how I survived here for 18 years. Before some people start flipping out, I'm not knocking Blairsville itself, and yes, there are some good people here; I rationalize below, and this is all just my opinion. You can have your own. That's allowed. Well. Maybe. It's hard to tell these days.

For a long time I never knew whether I would rather live in the mountains or a city. After being in Atlanta for not even three weeks, I've made my decision. In cities people take a stand for what they believe in. If there's something they dislike, they won't let it fall by the wayside. People in cities are generally more welcoming as well, at least that's been my experience in every single large city I've ever been to. In Atlanta I feel like I'm actually making a difference and playing an active role in bettering my community. I'm also in the beginning stages of starting a book to prisoners program for the entire state of Georgia. If I had tried to do something like this in Blairsville, it probably would've been shot down by the church and my family's name would be "tarnished" for years to come for trying to do something nice for people who made some mistakes.

The same type things probably would happen at Berry too, just another reason I can't stay there either. Berry, in a lot of ways, is more "sheltered," for lack of a better term, than even good ol' Union County High School. At least at UCHS there's an official group for gay/lesbian/bi students now (I think). Berry doesn't even allow that, or a pro-choice group, labeling those as "special interest" groups. Uhm...What group isn't a special interest group? I myself am not a homosexual, but really? Shouldn't people be allowed to organize and affiliate themselves with like-minded individuals?

So, I guess here's my question. I haven't felt at home in Blairsville since I was a sophomore in high school. Do I still have to call it my hometown? I'm not at all at home in Rome either, so that's out. I love Atlanta, but I'm only going to be there until the end of July, so that can't be my home. Where's your heart supposed to be when you're homeless? If someone has an answer for that question, please let me know.